Ok, so yet again it's been a massive amount of time since I last wrote anything on here (or anywhere else for that matter). I'm seeing a pattern emerging. If I was some kind of Tony Robbins fellow I might say that I have some sort of behaviour that needs to be re-framed so that I can succeed in life. But i'm not, so I keep being lazy and making the same mistakes over and over again.
Well, it seems that life keeps getting in the way everytime I come to the stage where i'm ready to start writing again. John Lennon was kind of right.
Yeah, the new development which is halting my progress is that me and my girlfriend of three years have just split up. So, now i've got to find somewhere else to live, and generally sort my shit out. So, I kind of haven't felt like writing at the moment. There's still some logistical issues too (I still need to buy a new computer). But hey, all this emotional torment is sure to enrich my writing. Now all I need is another ten break ups or so and my writing might be worth a damn! (maybe I will try to pen an episode of Eastenders or something...I might now be depressed enough!).
What worries me though is my ability to completely switch off my emotions about the whole situation. Either i'm losing my ability to emotionally invest in someone the older I get, or in a few years' time i'll take a semi-automatic weapon into my place of work and mow down colleagues and co-workers alike. It's probably 50-50. Maybe it's like in High Fidelity- "If you wanted to really mess me up you should have gotten to me sooner".
But needless to say, i'm holding onto what emotions I do have and hoping that I can channel them a little more and use them productively in my writing. I'm listening to The Smiths and Neil Young alot, which is helping.
Yesterday I bought some new trainers. The girl at the till asked me, "Do you want a bag for life?" I replied, "Hmmm, i'm not sure i'm ready for that kind of commitment. I'm not really looking to settle down with just one bag yet." Maybe i'm just watching too much Seinfeld.